Have you ever looked back on a period of your life and wondered how the hell so much happened in what seemed to be such a short space of time. Sure you have. We all do. As i write i am on the cusp of one of the biggest changes in direction my life is likely to take and it strikes me that it may be a good time to reflect on the past 12 months or so.
Back then i had little idea what a bumpy ride this year would be. I was in an extremely stable and happy relationship and i thought that was all that mattered in life. As it turned out the relationship wasn't as stable and happy as everyone thought. In fact it may have been too stable and too happy. For reasons that i don't think i can ever fully explain I ended it. To be perfectly honest i was a fucking bastard about it and i was so immature and stupid that i will never forgive the way i behaved. I regret how i did it but not the fact that i did, as callous as it sounds, it was the right decision.
The year progressed from bad to worse and it is safe to say that if you were around back then you know what i am reffering to. Once again i acted a bastard to the people i loved...you begin to see a pattern. But life carries on and the bad times turned to good times and the good to the bad. People change and we get on with life, little else can be done. Unfortunately the effects of those times were far reaching and nothing was quite the same after that. The entire dynamics of the friendships i had with people were entirely changed, some for better some for worse, mostly the former. The trio will always live on in my heart even though two thirds no longer talk.
It is only now i realise what a blur the past year has been, the only clarity i currently have is this summer. What an amazing summer it has been. I have met some fantastic people and experienced some fantastic times. It kicked off with a holiday in Ibiza which at times felt slightly surreal. This summer has strengthened many of my friendships, even if the circumstances weren't of the happiest nature. I also rekindled a friendship i had severly neglected and feared i had lost, with one of the most important people in my life. I didn't make enough effort to see her and i'll always regret that. Never will i make that mistake again(i promise to call!). Reading festival has to have a mention as the event made me fall in love with music all over again and introduced me to someone i'll never forget, someone i don't know nearly as well as i would like just yet. I don't mind admitting i'll miss her dearly even after only a month friendship, such an impression she has left on me.
It is with mixed emotions that i move on to university. I could all too easily stay here where i am safe and comfortable and happy...but like i say, that would bee too easy. It seems to me that i follow a pattern of making things harder for myself and upsetting the balance of an easy life. I guess i like to keep things interesting and those around me on their toes. It is so hard to leave all the people i love and have recently fallen in love with but we learn our lessons and do what must be done.
This post has been ended by the author due to the fact that he realised he was rambling and generally not making sense. Sorry for wasting your time with this dreadfully pretentious, reflective drivvle....more to follow soon
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